I had an email today from John Lewis about my recent application and was unsuccessful I was kinda expecting that I am aware I struggle with being in groups so I am going to try and work on ways to overcome it. Getting to Chelmsford isn't easy (2 buses away) and the training would have been at Writtle college which I've no clue where that is in Chelmsford. I'm glad I did the course though,got to the assessment,made friends and got to the end it was something to do for just over 2 weeks and then some extra days. I don't think much would have changed if I'd not been on this course.
The assessment for the John Lewis job itself was hard for me I didn't say a lot and I become my quiet self and I wish I didn't :( but unfortunately I do and I'm not sure how to overcome it it's not easy for me.I'm not the most sociable girl and when I find myself having to meet new people I go quiet and keep myself to myself and that gets noticed so people probably think I'm rude which I'm not.Having Fragile X makes things difficult for and I wish it didn't but there's nothing I can do to change that I've got it I can't let it stop me from doing things. We had three tasks to do and while they weren't hard tasks I just found working in a group hard it's not my strong point,the same goes with having group interviews.
I've also been slacking with my blog too,well lack of ideas to be honest but I guess that happens to everyone and I will soon have lots of ideas. lately I've been comparing mine to others and wishing mine was better and I had better pictures and content but it's not ideal to compare it doesn't solve anything and it's pretty pointless. I love my blog but I do wish I could improve it so maybe I will be able to one day. I have 14 followers and over 12,000 views but I'd love to grow it and get more followers which I know won't happen overnight but fingers crossed it does one day.
Now everything has finished I'm getting back into job hunting which sucks I hate it,I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? why can't I get a job? why won't anyone employ me? I have all these questions going around in my head trying to figure things out. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere and I'm just stuck in the same place I want to do other things,give up volunteering,meet new people,have a really good job and earn my own money. I do think is this ever going to happen? am I really going to be unemployed forever? I just wish it was easy,I wish I could get a job near to where I live,I wish I didn't have to go volunteering anymore. I didn't expect to be there for 5 years it really wasn't the plan but things haven't turned out the way I'd hoped.
I do try my best at looking for a job but it's hard when they have stupid hours,you need experience or you need a car yada yada yada most jobs I find or apply for end up not being suitable like the m&s one I had an interview a few weeks ago the woman was mean and the job had crap hours actually glad I didn't get it I wasn't keen on working with these girls who seemed so stuck up there own arse. I look everyday,on as many websites as possible,apply for what I can but I get nothing from it and I just don't get it. WHY ME? WHY WON'T SOMEONE EMPLOY ME????.It does get hard to stay positive about things when they never go right for me and it does annoy me when people don't understand what it's like,how I feel and how bored I get.
I think I've mentioned everything
Thanks for reading and I hope to be back with a more positive post soon.