Saturday, 23 May 2015


20th May 2015 The day it all came to an end.

Me and Richard met at volunteering in 2013 and became a couple last year on the 5th March 2014 he was all over me at first he was even the one that put us in a relationship on Facebook! and everyone was happy for me and I thought I had found the one and I was really happy in fact the happiest I'd been in a long time I was so in love and still am I guess but I didn't think anything or anyone would break that I never thought it would have come to this after a year and 2 months that he decides he doesn't want to be with me anymore I never thought I'd be writing this but I am after I asked him what he was thinking he said where do you think this is going? I think he was half expecting me to agree with him I wasn't expecting that at all and he still expects me to be his friend I don't think so who breaks someones heart and then still wants them to be there friend? it doesn't work like that I literally just sat there and had no idea what to say I thought we were good I never thought he'd be the kind of guy to do that I thought I'd found the one but I guess not and I'm not sure how to feel or what to do never thought I'd have to deal with heartbreak again. I just don't understand why?

The first months of being together were great we did so many things together like staying at Down Hall, went to the beach,the zoo going for walks,or just hanging out at each others houses or in this case always mine I did go to his a few times but I felt uncomfortable and plus I'm not keen on dogs though I would've gone but he never asked again. I actually thought I had found my happy ending and we'd do a lot more things together like go away or go to new places, go on road trips that kind of thing but those things won't happen. I changed him so much when we were together he got a job, I got him to restaurants he'd never actually been to one before and I got him trying new food I did a lot I was the one who always text first which started to bug me sometimes but I just put up with it because I loved him and that's what you do when you're in love. I know we didn't see each other when he was working but I still thought we were good and thought he was happy with me but he clearly wasn't and I had no clue I'm not sure how long he'd been wanting to end it but I do wonder if he'd just been stringing me along because he didn't have the guts to end it? I am wondering why it took him so long to say this? he knew I was quiet and shy when we met and to be honest he is too and it took a whole year?!?. 

He turned out to be a heartbreaker which I didn't think would happen I really thought he loved me like I love him but I guess that was a lie and he had no intention of staying around I just didn't think it would happen to me again if I'm honest I did see a future with him but I guess I wasn't part of his I didn't think I'd be sat here writing this post its honestly pretty difficult when you thought you'd found the one person who you thought loved and cared about you would never hurt you but they have and now you're just left to pick up all the pieces. He treated me like a princess he bought flowers and took me to nice places and I felt so happy with my life and thought this was finally my happy ending and I would have many more adventures and happiness but it hasn't worked out like that and to be honest I don't know how to feel anymore it just hasn't sunk in that it's really over I know it will eventually and these things take time but it was so unexpected and it is a lot to take in that its actually over for good.

He was my world and I didn't think anything bad would happen or he'd be the kind of guy to break my heart I love him so much I'm not sure if I should say that? Or if should say loved? he was the best thing to ever happen to me and I was his first girlfriend but it hasn't worked out like how I thought it would because he broke my heart I'm not sure if things would've been different if there was sex involved or if he'd have done it with me and then ended it? I tried my best in this relationship and it was my longest ok there were times when I might have been annoying and had my moody days but I still make/made a good girlfriend and I hope he realizes what he's done and what he's lost.

Thanks for reading.

Friday, 1 May 2015

My Fragile X Syndrome Experiences

I first wrote about Fragile X Syndrome in February (I have since updated the posts) and ever since then my posts have over 700 views put together. I got asked to write in the monthly newsletter about my experiences that have happened to me and it was so good to be able to write for them. I hadn't really talked about it or even thought about writing about Fragile X in blog but now I'm glad I have because they're so popular,I can relate to others and I don't feel so alone.

Fragile X effects everyone differently but with me I am shy, quite sensitive and I get upset easily and I am not very good at maths either but I don't let that bother me too much I know I'm not going to be good at it. There was this one situation at volunteering when a woman asked about a dress on a mannequin I said sorry I can't take it off and thought nothing of it and then she told her partner who then said why can't you take it off? it's just a dress he didn't understand that you have to take the whole mannequin apart and thought there arms moved liked humans but they're plastic so they don't move surely people know that!?! anyway he was getting more and more obnoxious and I was trying not to cry but after they left I did :( I know it wasn't worth it but he really got to me :( don't think they've been back since fingers crossed I don't see them anymore. I have become more confident since volunteering and made new friends which I am glad about but I want a job now and it's not easy looking for one and I know I can't give up because there's things I want to do such as learning to drive I hope to do that one day I know it will be hard but I won't let things stop me from doing it! I will find a job and I will be able to do these things because I want get somewhere in life and not be stuck here.

Another thing I find uncomfortable is when I'm out for example waiting at for a bus I feel people are looking at me and talking about me which they probably aren't but I can't help it and always feel like that or people are going to say something mean to me :( and I used to feel uncomfortable in restaurants which I don't so much now but when my boyfriend took me to Jamie Oliver's Italian for my birthday last year I felt really uncomfortable and felt like I wasn't meant to be there and after we'd been I got upset about it and felt like I'd let him down =/ which I hadn't and we are still together but I still felt really bad about not liking it. We aren't together now thank god.

There was another time when I was with this guy from London ( another ex boyfriend) I went to his house and I met his friend Shannah who was a girl but a 'friend' who he'd met on the same site as me doesn't sound so good now! anyway I literally became so quiet and just sat there and stared I'm not really sure why I guess I felt out of place and wanted to spend time with him alone but it never happened but that's in the past now though I thought I would mention it.

When I first meet new people I am very shy and quiet and don't really say much but I eventually come out my shell for example when I started volunteering I very much kept myself to myself and didn't say a lot to anyone and I felt like I didn't fit in and wanted to leave but I didn't and I carried on 5 years later I am still there! so I am glad I stayed because I've met some great people and have become more confident and less shy. I am not the most sociable person either and I don't really have a lot of friends who I got out with well none really,I've made friends at volunteering and that is a big step for me but it would be nice to meet people my age or who are similar to me so I can relate to them
Thanks for reading